Destined for Greatness

I'M BACK !!!

2005-08-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm finally back after taking a 'break' for quite some time. During these few months of not blogging, it is not that nothing was going on but rather, too much things to blog about. Anyway, those are the past and this being the first time I've blogged in such a long time, I wanna do it differently.

I don't have a story to tell to link to my experience but I wanna just take us to a place where God took me to in the past 2 weeks or so up till today. Basically, there was this image of a rebuilding of a God's Temple, as in the account of Ezra in the temple rebuilding project and the rebuilding of walls around my life, as in the account of Nehemiah in rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, walls that represented values, beliefs, faith, trust and protection. And ultimately to a place of recognising God's sovereignty and faithfulness.

God kinda woke me up at 4+ this morning to pray and to tell me He has a word for me. I saw the words "Psalms 86" in my mind and went on to read it and what struck me most was in verse 15, which says "But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"

Looking back at the past 3 months, I would say that I am not in any major trouble or in any major sin, but I have come to realise that I've been telling God to just take a step back and let me take control of my life, striving to achieve things and striving to make decisions on my own. But today, I wanna claim the promise, that God is a compassionate God, who is slow to anger and who is abounding in love and faithfulness.

Friends, I hope that those of you who are situations where u feel you have blown it, or when you feel that you cannot face God because of certain issues/hurts, that you will remember that God is a compassionate God, that we need to live by what we see, but live by faith. Because our God is indeed a God of faithfulness! Amen!

Back!

2005-05-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

It just came upon my realisation today that I have not been blogging for almost a month and it's very much thanks to this game called World of Warcraft. But oh well, I am waiting for some downloads to be completed and so will share some of the thoughts that have been going through my mind these few days.

In fact, lots of them, so yeah, please bear with the next few posts, which are going to be rather lengthy.

Amitié

2005-04-10T23:55:00.001-07:00

Here's a song entitled "Friends Forever" written by a very anointed man of God who happens to be my upperstudy's good pal

Remember the first times

When we got to meet together?
Awkward faces everywhere
As we tried to know one another
We’re starting on this journeyOf love, of hope and faith
A new beginningAs we start to find our way

As time passes by
We have grown to be more acquainted
Our conversations seem
Much longer than they were
The times we have together
We’ll cherish till the end
It’s not by chance
That I have you as my friend

Chorus:
We are friends together
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys
Our woes and sorrows
We never say goodbye
Even if we go our separate ways
I know we’ll meet again someday
Friends forever
Let our hearts beat as one
We are friends together
Now and forever
Till the end of time
We share our joys
Our woes and sorrows
We never say goodbye
Even if the sun forgets to shine
Still can feel this warmth inside my heart
Friends foreverYou and I

Bridge:We’ll be together
We’re friends forever
We’ll be together
Forevermore
We’ll be together
No matter where we are
We’ll be together till the very end

Some of you may wonder what in the world the title is. A few of you may decide to run Babelfish on http://www.altavista.com/ to get a translation. Put it simply, 'Amitié' means 'Friendship' in French. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was brought to a point of realisation today that after all the nice things that I had done for the people around me in the old office, I end up being of "no value" to those in the old office.

Several days back, someone asked me who my best friend was. Being unsatisfied with my answer, he asked another "In general, who is your best friend?" My answer was simple, "The one I know I can call up when in need, even at 4 am"

Having no siblings, friends constitute a very important part of my life. They are the ones I turn to in times of boredom, in times of need, in times of sorrow and of course, in times of happiness - Happiness is nothing if it is contained within oneself.

There is this poster on my wall that has the heading 'Friendship' and features a puppy and a kitten sitting happily in a basket and then reads "I value the friend who for me finds time on the calender. But I cherish the friend who for me does not consult the calender"

This simple poster that costs just $2.50 reminded me of 2 very important things. Firstly, that true friendship exists when people have differences, are aware of the differences and yet still accept one another despite the differences. It is such friendships that last and can survive the test of time.

The second thing is for me to put my friends in first priority, after God and family. After examining my own life, I realised I have neglected so many people and their feelings in my strife for success and for influence. I would really want to go back the a place where I can be senstive to the needs of my friends and to help them to the fullest of my ability even before they ask for any.

My bad experiences in the last few years and more recently, with my understudy and other friends in Base would have hardened the hearts of most people. But somehow, God has placed a softened heart within me, so that I can continue to love those around me. As the song goes, I really wish that I am able to 'share my joys, my woes and my sorrows with my friends and never say goodbye'

Someone just told me that I should live my life like there's no tomorrow and so I should be bold in telling people how I really feel to let them know that I appreciate them. Oh well, even though I know less that 3 of the people I am going to mention actually reads this, but I guess I will feel much better after this, so I shall do it.

First of all (ladies first, no choice), I wanna thank Tricia for always being around (despite the geographical separation, haha) to listen to me rant and rave and giving me godly counsel in times when I needed it as well as the times we just spend gossiping and talking rubbish. Andre - for being such a wonderful di (one of the few friends who messages me every now and then just to check if I am doing fine, I'm really touched di) Nicholas (Neek) - who sends me home after prayer meeting weekly and who has been always there to listen, someone who doesn't always give me advice or bothers to message me every now and then, but is so willing to offer to simply listen to me, knowing I will feel much better after.

And of course to Jack and Keith (SAFAC), who share a special friendship with me (cause all external depot clerks and the once-pace-setters of Base Orderly Room) and Benjamin (the one who shares the same birthday as me), who has been sent to be that Barnabas in this season of my life and everyone else who has impacted my life. (I can't possibly name everyone or I will probably end up bursting the limit blogspot has set)

Before I end off and go to bed, I just wanna remind all of us that friendship is like sound health. You only learn of it's importance and learn to cherish it after you lose it. It is my prayer that none of you will lose your true friends and also that my friendships will be built up and improved and never destroyed.

Thank you Lord for sending these friends. =)

Lengthy Posts

2005-04-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

Just wanna apologise for the lengthy posts lately. I have been trying very hard to limit the length of every individual post, but it seems like once I start, it just goes on. So yeah, please bear with it. I assure you that none is not worth reading. Thanks for reading anyway =)

Einstein and Miracles

2005-04-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

I vaguely remember, about 5 years ago around this time of the year. I strolled by the General Staff office in SAJC and was greeted by the words: No one is here by chance. Over the course of my studies there, I have heard that phrase at least 10 times, mostly by my ex-principal Mrs Belinda Charles.

I kinda reflected on my life now and tried to put those words parallel to my life during the time of reflection. Looking at my not-so-recent posting (a month ago), I realised how true those words are.

Recalling that I am called to make a difference everywhere I go, I finally begun to see a purpose for this stage of my life. Indeed, I feel honored to be part of God's plan and work in SEAD. But more than this, I feel that every single thing that happens in our lives should not be attributed to Chance.

Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle"

I was wondering whether to entitle this post "Count Your Blessings!" but found it far too cliche. But the truth is that we should count everything that goes on in life as a blessing and as a miracle.

Over the last 13 months, I would say I have contributed tremendously to my previous office, in terms of administration, innovation and in general, in almost every way possible. Made lots of friends, protected my favourite understudy, ensuring nothing goes wrong for him. Influence grew, more people began to take notice and more high-profile tasks were given. Eventually got awarded the Best Soldier Award and highly favored by superiors.

I thought I had it all. I thought I was happy with all the so-called achievements. Maybe I was momentarily. All I had in mind at this point was work and how I can perform even more efficiently and effectively and how I could get myself more noticed.

Then came the fateful day - 7th March 2005. I received news that I was going to be posted out. Kicked out of the office with less than 3 days' notice. Everything I had was gone. Thought that I would have impacted the lives of people around me, only to realise today that I am no longer of any 'value' to those around me.

Rumours that I leaked confidential information filled the office, words indicating my incompetence spread like wildfire and the most hurting thing - to realise that I mean nothing to that understudy whom I had treasured so much, which, in the 'treasuring' process, caused me to hurt so many people and to sour so many relationships.

Now, looking both in the past and in the present, with hindsight, I realise that I am not in SEAD by chance. I regained a friendship that was almost lost because of my strife to gain favor my way - one which I treasure so much more.

I realise too that after I have submitted to the will of God, to make a decision to impact SEAD, I have the favor of God. For instance, I only have one duty this month, I've been getting rides in and out of camp and from Base, I've been able to spend more time doing the things I want to do and sleeping an extra 2 hours each night.

One way to look at all these is that none of it is a miracle. But I choose to believe that everything, every single one of those, are miracles and blessings by my Father in heaven.

One question in some minds now would be if I still cared for my understudy. Oh well, of course I still do. I will just wait for the day to come - the day when he decides to give me a piece of his heart (read previous post regarding this analogy).

I hope everyone of you will slow down even in your daily routine and begin to look at the things happening around you and consider that nothing is by chance and to consider every blessing, even the little ones, to be a miracle!

Defered Hope, a Sick Heart and a Tree of Life

2005-03-27T10:05:00.000-08:00

A simple search on the net will tell us that about 12% of the world's population suffer from some form of heart disease. Another statistic reveals that a third of deaths (about 17 million deaths) in the world in 2004 is caused by the sick heart.

As I was going through these figures, reminders about how a balanced diet is important came into mind, along with other facts concerning the danger of excessive levels of cholesterol. While we are all concerned with the physical and somewhat technical aspect of the Heart, we often fail to remember that there is a softer, gentler and more sensitive aspect of the heart.

We know that when a person has unhealthy levels of cholesterol, the arteries and veins somehow get choked and blood will not be able to flow properly, causing stroke and other ailments due to a damaged heart.

Under what circumstances then, will the other facet of the heart be damaged? By nasty words? By the actions of others? By unfavorable situations? Well, in general, the heart gets hurt by anger and by unfulfilled promises - even by a simple agreement that ends up not being honored.

There is a proverb that says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12) How aptly does this proverb describe the way we react to broken promises and unfulfilled words.

As I looked at the past week, I begun counting the number of times hope has been deferred. It's amazing that in just the last 2 days, I've had at least 4 of such experiences, starting with someone who played me out after sounding enthusiatic and sure that he would make additional efforts to join us on a Saturday outing, then another person who did not keep his word about meeting a particular (harmless) challenge, then by some people who recalled me home urgently to get something done (something which took 5 minutes) but left me all alone at home and finally by another who played me out at a particular appointment on Sunday evening.

After speaking to several people, all I got were comments that these were just small matters and that I should not be petty and should stop being a spoilt brat, who demands for everything to be in the way I want them to. I paused for a moment to consider whether I was at fault, whether I was being too demanding and whether those comments made sense. I conclude - I was not.

I remember about 3 years back, my Econs teacher, Ms Annie Tan, told us during of the Pastoral Care periods that the main cause of anger is unfulfilled expectations. And when there is an unfulfilled expectation, it can only be caused by these - either the expectation is too high and non-feasible or not enough effort was made to fulfill those expectations.

Examining the 4 cases, I believe I gave enough room for those people to consider before coming to a decision whether or not they want to make a commitment to that expectation. In the first case, I considered that distance was a problem, but was reassured that the problem could be overcame and a word - an expectation, was given. Second, he was under no pressure to make a decision, he chose it freely and gave his word, but again, no fulfillment. Third, I asked if it would be better to get someone else to do it, they said it was ok and gave their word, but again, no fulfillment. Lastly, the most disappointing of all, he took 2 days to consider before giving his word but the commitment was still not honored.

I can find absolutely no possibility that the expectations were high, simply because those people were given much room to consider whether to give that word. 4 times of hope being deferred, simple and non-demanding expectations failed to be honored. My heart is sick.

But I am thankful that the proverb does not just end at one having a sick heart. Instead, it goes on to say that 'a longing fulfilled is a tree of life'. I can imagine (as I have personally encountered) the feeling when a longing is fulfilled and the unexplainable joy after that fulfillment. I did a search on the defintion of a 'longing' and a particular online dictionary says that a longing is "A strong persistent yearning or desire, especially one that cannot be fulfilled" No wonder it says that a longing fulfilled is a tree of life, fulfilling something that cannot be fulfilled is simply amazing.

This aptly reminds me that today is Easter Sunday, when more than 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was resurrected from death and brought into eternal life back in Heaven and promising to send a helper, the Holy Spirit. Indeed, God is a god of impossibilites - making things which seemingly cannot occur happen. And so, I will be waiting patiently for my longing to be fulfilled. Because I believe that if God can raise the dead, nothing else is impossible - for an empty tomb is there to prove my Saviour lives!

I realise that my posts are getting more and more lengthy, and the style more and more like GP essays, but oh well, even as I am afraid that I may bore you readers, I am glad that I have started to practice writing.

On a lighter note, after reading this, I really hope that everyone can make a delibrate attempt not to break promises, to keep their words - even simple ones like agreeing to be present somewhere. I cannot be absolutely sure that the world will be a better place, but at least I know that encounters with people who keep their word will warm my heart. God Bless and may your heart always stay healthy, both physically and emotionally.

Of Harbors, Ships and the Sea

2005-03-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

Most would expect an object lesson to be one that involves an object such as a tree, a pebble and anything that isn't too overwhelmingly huge. At least that was how I always imagined an object lesson to be. I was wrong.

I had my very first object lesson in the past 5 years today. As I was lamenting to a friend (Jack), he likened me to a Harbor, one that ships (and of course sailors) would call upon when in need of servicing, repairs and the like. And eventually sail away when everything is completed, leaving the Harbor empty, for another ship to come.

Indeed, that totally epitomizes my life. This thought/concept, however interesting, was not one foreign to me. In fact, I have thought about this a couple of times, every now and then along my life. This analogy also brings to mind the parable of the Perfect Heart (the link works at the time of publishing, please inform me if you get a dead link), which tells the story of how a perfect heart is not one that is flawless or blemish-free in appearance, but rather one that has rough edges, representing times when love was given but not returned and that giving love is taking a chance and quite a risky affair.

Struggling with the fact that I feel 'used' at times, I was reminded of Trinity Christian Centre (TCC) , a church that grooms pastors and ministers from all over the world. Yearly, delegates from around the world comes for training and at the same time, home-grown missionaries leave TCC every year, moving into places to plant and empower churches. TCC serves as a Harbor in this manner, providing the ships (foreign churches) with empowerment and other services, after which releasing these ships to do great exploits. So yeah, I guess my life's like that for a purpose after all.

Still pondering around the analogy, the second thought that came into my mind was: Why can't I have 'ships' that stay with me throughout, providing some sort of protection or comfort when I need them along the way. The answer came as I recalled one of the 'Thought-of-the-day' in my Base Routine Orders - "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." Wow! what a way to speak to me, another Harbor-related quote.

While not totally satisfied with the feeling of being under-appreciated, I came to a conclusion - broken and damaged ships which do not find a suitable harbor in time risk sinking. Although the returns of being a 'Harbor' may not be high (in fact there're times when there's no return to speak of), it is an honor. Not everyone has the talent and gifting to be that 'Harbor' in another person's life.

With these, I reckon that I will continue to be that Harbor that is available to all, despite all the hurtful experiences. Trusting is dangerous and loving, risky, but I will answer the Call, to be that 'Harbor' that lifts the lives of people around and releasing them at the right time for them to do greater exploits in life.

As I close, I wanna leave us a thought, or rather, a gentle reminder. The next time you call at any Harbor, remember to leave something behind. That thing does not have to be expensive, neither does it have to be exclusive. It just has to be memorable, maybe a word of thanksgiving, appreciation or encouragement, for "people may not remember what you said or what you have done, but they will always remember how you made them feel". It sure takes a lot of courage, selflessness and strength to be that 'Harbor'

And always remember, this Harbor here is always available for you to call upon =)

Stepping Out, Breaking Through

2005-03-24T23:30:00.000-08:00

It's kind of amazing when I start counting the number of hours I have been awake without even feeling a bit tired. Let's see ... I have been awake for a total of 16 hours, and I haven't even felt sleepy at all, even with barely 6 hours of sleep the previous night (or should I say morning). But what's more amazing is that I can't keep my eyelids from shutting more than 3 hours in camp. But oh well, aren't we all like that.

On one hand, I am feeling really unmotivated about this, and on the other, I know I have to finish this entry or I will end up being bugged till death. At the very same instance, I am very tempted to do the "I woke up at 9 this morning, after which played World of Warcraft ... and then went out to watch Eye 10 ... and then went for lunch at Cartel ... and then played LAN and got thrashed by a 19 year old kid at CS ... and then went for Nasi Lemak dinner ... and then went Bugis for a walk .. and then took the train home .. and then play more games ... and then blog ..."

It kinda sucks but you will be amazed that people actually do that! And yes, not just one entry, but having entire blogs filled with information on timings they do certain stuff and even routine things they do. (But I kinda passed this off huh =D) Oh, and talking about Eye 10. If you are in for brainless, mindless slapstick humour, go catch it. Else, FORGET IT. It was an utter waste of my money and time. But then again, how much can we expect from local writers?

One random though that came into my mind right this moment is that: shouldn't the title be last? Or is it just me? As in, we won't know the title until we figure out what we are gonna enter here .. or am I just so used to reversed engineering? (At this point, I am thinking that if Miss Sabariah ever reads this, she'll probably kill me for using 3 rhetorical questions, which in her opinion is too much) And yeah, let's get to the point.

Before I even started blogging, these 2 pairs of words came into my mind: "Stepping Out" and "Breaking Through". I guess I am really beginning to regain that prophetic anointing I received a few years back and I am really indeed thankful for it. As I sat before the GLA army (C&C Generals =D), I couldn't focus. Instead, I was reminded of the numebr of times in the last 3 months or so that I have called out to God for a breakthrough.

This 4 words came as a slap on my face because I realise that in order for there to be a breakthrough, there must first be a stepping out - one that is done boldly (no puns intended) and with faith. I remember asking for the salvation of 2 friends very dear to me, but each time there was an opportunity, I held back, I resisted, I changed the subject. In fact, I did almost everything but STEP OUT in faith. I asked myself: I have been praying, but something's just missing, what's missing. Immediately, a verse from the Bible came into my mind - Faith without deed is dead.

As I went into a time of worship, I asked God to renew that passion in my heart and to restore that child-like faith I used to have, that I may "rise up boldly in heightened faith for these last days" and to make that step. I believe a work was done in my heart, and I pray that the work will be sealed.

Friends, and everyone else reading this, is your faith one that allows you to step out? Or is it still dead? I urge you that you will ask God for that sharpening of your faith and your trust in Him, that we may reach a place of breakthrough!

P.S. "Father, I pray that anyone who reads this will be filled with Your Passion and Your Love. That their trust in you may reach a new level, that they will have that faith that will move mountains, remove rocks and most important, allow them to have breakthroughs after breakthroughs! Lord, I also ask that should the 2 friends in my heart be reading this at any point in time, place a seed in their hearts, that their hearts will be like good soil, that will bear much fruit. In Jesus' mighty name, AMEN!"

Once Again

2005-03-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

As I stared into thin air and wondered how someone whom I had forgiven for betraying me could treat the forgiveness as if it was his by default, I was reminded of three words. The words were "taken for granted".

It started with a betrayal, one that may result in me being in deep trouble. As I sat there 2 days ago, wondering how I would respond to the whole episode, forgiveness came into my mind. No matter how relunctant I was, I gave in to that inner voice within. And now, 2 days later, all I can say is that I was dumb. Dumb - in trusting that ungrateful person in the first place and for forgiving that person because of that unconditional love I was taught to show. And all that I have done in the last 6 months or so for this person were simply taken for granted.

As I was reflecting upon this, a song popped up in my mind. It went " ... many times, I wondered at Your Gift of life and I'm in that place once again." I couldn't resist, but teared. How often have I been upset with people taking my love and forgiveness for granted but as I sat down, 2 days before Good Friday, I recalled what happened about 2005 years ago. The son of a carpenter, born from the womb of a virgin, hung on a Cross at Calvary - the son of God who did not claim his Godly rights on this Earth, crucified because of Love, so that we may be forgiven.

But as I stood and thought about the times I dishonoured Him, turned away from Him and even accused Him, I was reminded that I have been taking His Love and His Forgiveness for granted. Maybe that person who betrayed me was placed in my life for a purpose after all - to remind me of how Jesus would feel each time I take His Love for granted.

I just wanna leave all of us with some thoughts, Salvation is free, but it came at a huge price - it cost the life of the Son of God. I sincerely hope that each time someone hurts us by taking our love and forgiveness for granted, that we would be gently reminded of how much God loves us and how little we have done for Him and how often we have hurt Him.

But it's never too late to start loving Him once again, because Jesus loves you.

My New Blog =)

2005-03-23T03:15:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have to admit it, I was so badly influenced by someone that I decided to start another blog all over again. I was seriously too tired and bored of blogging 2 years back. But oh well, guess that I should give it another try. So yep, here's my new blog.